Margo's Got Money Troubles - Matt

 This is a weird one in that there's already a Margo adaptation in production! Looks like they want:

Elle Fanning (Margot)

Michelle Pfeiffer (Shyanne)

Nicole Kidman (Probably Mark's Mom)

Not bad. Elle Fanning is the obvious choice since she narrated the audiobook and the other two are the biggest name older blonde women in the game right now. Also, it's all wrong. Elle, at 26 and shaped like a European runway model, will have a hard time being properly messy and powerless. Margo is a goof, the world is against her and she doesn't get a chance to really fight back til the end.

Shyanne (is that really how her name is spelled? Seems insane) is, despite kinda being the big bad, is also sorta the comedic relief. Can Michelle Pfeiffer do that? Probably, but I can't think of an example of it. And one of the most famous actors in the world as a character that, at least in the novel, has like two scenes? Maybe overkill.

We can do better. In our adaptation Margo is naive and impulsive, she makes more bad choices than objectively good ones. She's pretty, but her friends have to tell her so - she doesn't see it herself. She see's herself as cheesy.

MARGO

Veronika Slowikowska

I know I already mined the Davey & Jonsie's Locker show last time for my backup Nimue (and it's not even a show I like all that much) but this Veronika just would work so well as Margo. She's a comedian first - got her start doing sketch comedy YouTube videos - and has that 'I don't even know what I just got myself into' look down. She can glam on up, too, when it comes to the OnlyFans filming:

And playing into the comedy will be important here given how heavy the story gets. This is doubly important when it comes to Shyanne...

SHYANNE

Lisa Kudrow

Popping around in a full pink tracksuit sneaking some online poker rounds while casually saying the most brutal things imaginable to her daughter? Easy.

Mark's mom is, of course, a pivotal character - but not really a big one. I might not have even have been thinking about her for this if not for the Nicole Kidman thing. She could kinda be anyone who can pull off a powersuit and pearl lipstick but I'm partial to:

MARK'S MOM

Sally Phillips

Ok, now on to the rest - Apple, feel free to steal whatever. First up, the hardest and most important to nail:

JINX

Timothy Olyphant

He's charming (the most charming, even), he's jacked, he's 56, he can be an absolute mess. I know what you're saying: 'Isn't it in his contract that he can't be bald on camera? His hair is iconic.' And I'd have to remind you about that Hitman movie.

It's airtight.

MARK

Daniel Radcliffe

He's 5'5" and not afraid to be a nasty monster on screen. Mark is obviously a nasty monster but also kinda a doofus mommy's boy. Can Dan do an American accent? Does it matter? Mark is rich, British is shorthand for rich in movies, it works.

J.B.

Charles Melton

Our kinda awkward hunk. This dude was in Riverdale and this movie May December - neither of which I've ever seen BUT even though he's a little old at 33 he's really got the big, sort of oafy, mostly innocent look on lockdown.

SUZIE

Shioli Kutsuna

She has a funny bit part in the Deadpool movies but is also in a bunch of, I'm assuming, better Japanese shows. I know it's a little stereotypical to have the little Asian girl be the cosplayer but it's not a role that needs to reinvent the wheel - Suzie is sweet, supportive, lacks confidence but grows into a great little best friend. I can see it.

KENNY

J.K. Simmons

This is non-negotiable.

And that's all I got - doing the OnlyFans buddies would be fun but going full unknowns for them might be a smarter move. The rotten-to-the-core CPS worker would also have been smart but I couldn't bring myself to think about her for the five straight minutes that would've been required. So yeah, this one is for free Apple.